When Your Heart Feels Jumpy

You all know how this tricky life will throw a nice fat curve ball right over the plate just as you have settled in to your routine. BAM! You don't duck fast enough or you mistakenly step into it- and get popped in the eye.

I have a little sting lingering from my latest go 'round with life. After a year of very special challenges, Chris and I had begun to breathe a little again. We were still trying to make it with 40% of our income gone, but had found ways of making it work pretty well. There were still times when the debt collectors called, there were still nights when I didn't sleep a second for worrying over money, and there were still sweet moments that blew us away.

Just last week, we had another change. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say- I am enjoying a new adventure in life as a work-at-home mama. The magazine is still going strong, we have great editorial lined up for next issue. However, in order to be the best magazine we can be, we have had to make significant changes. One of which entails me working from home on a freelance basis. Still the senior editor, I will continue with my normal responsibilities, just on a very part time basis. The good news? I make decent money per hour! The bad news? That money has to last the three months that span a single issue of the magazine. So, we are back at a scary place, standing toe to toe with this new adventure- and I am so totally ready!

I have always said that I love a risk. Well, I am taking one now. Deciding to take this opportunity and make it work for me, I have committed anew to the following things:

1. Dusting off my novel and putting it back into my daily routine. Scariest of all, this one gives me nervous butterflies in my tummy.
2. Building my freelance portfolio. Helping local businesses with their creative copywriting needs.
3. Writing things I never had time for before- like this here blog you like to read!
4. Being an attentive and thoughtful wife, mother, daughter, and friend.
5. Crafting! I have so many ideas, so many crafts that sit idly in my closet waiting to be completed. 

The Eryn from a 9 months ago would have buckled under this pressure. She would have found 15 negative things to say about herself and her life. She would look at the empty bank account and the stack of bills and curse her bad luck. She would cry, cower behind disingenuous smiles, and pray bitter, hardened prayers.

This Eryn, this Philippians 4:8 Eryn, (or as Cleve would say- Phil. 4:6-8!!!!) is facing this new challenge head on. With a little pluck and a lot of that Roush toughness, I plan to ROCK this new adventure. I plan to PLAY with my daughter whenever I please. I hope to make time to sit and TALK to my beloved mother and sister. I plan to make good money, doing what I love, for no more than 15 hours a week! And, I plan to open my heart, even though it is still a little jumpy, and let God do a new work in me. He makes ALL things good, He creates ALL things anew, and He uses ALL circumstances to shout His glory and fame throughout my life. Oh the freedom.

If you've followed me this past year, if you have read even half of the story of Maddy's birth and the following months and what they brought with them, you know that this is a HUGE step for me. You know the despair and fear I have fought. I invite you to hold me accountable, to keep me in check. But mostly, I invite you to bolster yourself with courage. For you all know your own troubles, your own nagging worries, and your own personal nightmares. Take courage, take the risk, and acknowledge the blessings that come your way. I hope you will fill your heart with encouraging dialogue and with the knowledge of Scripture. Then take on a piece of this world!

At the lake last week, Chris and I admired these precious goslings. I thought, "That mother must be so scared to have her babies so near to the road. How awful to not understand your surroundings, to stand in constant watch and guard, and to only be able to honk from afar if one wanders too close to a passing car."

Then I realized, this is just life. We live it everyday...walking in a parallel line with the unknown, wondering when our paths will cross and everything will change. I take heart in knowing that my little life is at least secure in God's faithful hands.

Here's to taking one bold step after another.