Back to the Beat

I flounder.
Like a flopping fish on a sandy beach- I flip from side to side...one side contentment- the other total discomfort.

I don't know why exactly other than that I am imperfect and slightly fickle. There are days when I look around at my very full life and want for nothing. But there are also days when I feel completely foreign in my own environment. I liken it to the feeling as a kid of being homesick. This is a feeling of constant discomfort...nothing feels right...you spin in circles trying to find what is wrong...and you exhaust yourself and call for a rescue.

I fight feelings of isolation. I don't have a group of friends that I do things with. I have women in my life that I admire and look up to, women I love and who bring encouragement to my life.

Yet, I find myself wanting more. Not a lot more because I honestly don't have a ton of energy for deep and intimate friendships right now. But I would like a bit more.

At the same time I am a bit cautious in any endeavor to deepen friendships simply because I tend to let myself get hurt. I cling to my family, because the women there are my best friends. My sister and mom and sisters in law. And, of course, my mother in law. I mean, who can say that they are dear and close friends with their mother in law? ME! So, with my small little yearning for a few close friends and my equally small window of time to develop said relationships...I flounder. Back and forth.

Then I have moments like this:

Chris and I went on a date tonight. We played putt putt and flirted with one another. We had yummy enchiladas at On The Border and watched the Braves from the patio. We held hands and laughed...and when we got home we stood in the driveway and kissed.

Moments like this reset my heart and I can once again sort of march to my little beat.

And then the assurance that I am always resting, always trusting, and always adventuring in God's hands.