Stones, Amoxicillin, Saggy Baggy Eyes

Weeks like this one get under my skin, test my strength, and leave me feeling empty- though I know I am not.

From the complete and utter terror of a night in the ER with Maddy on Monday- the screaming, the ridiculous fevers, the wheezing and coughing. My heart- I swore it would just cease to beat at all. Terrible. Please believe me that it was terrible. Even with a great support system surrounding us- I felt completely helpless, totally guilt stricken, and endlessly exhausted.

From that point on, we have all simply existed to keep Maddy comfortable, loved upon, and healthy. Everyone in our house and my mom's house has had their turn with the meds and breathing treatments. Through it all, even the screaming, Maddy has remained her same precious and sweet baby self. In tears and in pain, she would still try to crack a smile at us or giggle when the cats ran by. She is made of sterner stuff than I for sure!

Chris had finals this week on top of that, and it was deadline at the magazine. Stress? AH YEAH! Sleep? When we got the chance! Even Tammy is ready to fall over from exhaustion I am sure.

I will spare you the rest of the details but today is just Thursday and this week has also included:

1. Identity Theft
2. An entire day (7-7) of meetings (fun but exhausting)
3. Busted trash bag all over kitchen
4. Job insecurity
5. Realizing that I am just not going to get it all right. I just can't.
6. Countless tears. 
7. Reading about Jacob setting up stones as memorials for things that God had done in his life.

This 7th part really is the reason I am writing. Not for you few who may read my words...but for me. To hold myself accountable for recognizing this week not as a burden, but as a blessing. To look not to the negative (croup, exhaustion, insurmountable stress), but to look to the overwhelming positive (amazing family, sacrificial love, God's fullness of grace). I could set up a stone for this week. For a week that I have almost survived (thinking positive), for a week that has taught me that my strength should mirror my daughter's, for a week that has shown me the power of selflessness. A stone for this week could be a bottle of amoxicillin or a footprint because Jacob's name meant "heel" and I AM a heel! A stone could be my heart- yet again, stretched, bent, expanded until there is room to hold all of this in.

We must not only place stones to remember the good times...the times of abundance and prosperity. Stones must remind us of the times we persevered, the times we trusted God and the strength of our hearts, and the times when we were forced to find joy in the simplest moments- sometimes the hardest part of all.